We are waiting, Jane and I, to hear final word about the closing. Hopefully, it will be in the first week of June. We are faced with obstacles because of the financial paranoid state this country is in. And I find it hard to endure fools or underwriters who assume that you are trailer trash or corrupt, unlike them! Everyone is livid about the state of affairs but if you raise your voice they are not used to it, and I raise my voice at times because I do not accept the role of victim. I will comply but don’t blame me if my compliance leads to other misadventures that have nothing to do with me. Meanwhile, the garage is loaded with cartons for our move and Jane’s piano rests in the living room, its legs off, like a giant latke.
During this waiting period, Jane and I go over in deep perseveration her relationship with her psychotic family. Finally separating out, she finds it hard but knows it in her gut how impaired her rearing was and how conditioned her siblings are with a mother who is dramatically disturbed. We are both preparing for another adventure in our lives, for the last 10 years have been pretty awful for both Jane and myself. I just want to knock out a few more books, travel, enjoy my son’s life journey and prepare (ha!) for the grim reaper. At this point I am in no mood for systems, Phil, Wayne and Deepak, the Oprahesque view of this world, this inane culture, the Hanittys, Roves and Cheneys of the world. Often when I watch TV I imagine what my take on the show might be if I lived in Peru or Bagdad or Sri Lanka; my take would be that America is obsessed with bling, ambition, competition and MORE. We are a gluttonous people. On HGTV, homes and gardens, et al, one show has a real estate agent and a decorator evaluate kitchens that have been redone. The average renovation is about $50,000 in the U.S. In this case the renovations can range as high as $85,000. The skinny of all this is that the real estate agent evaluates the kitchen as if a potential buyer in the present market, applauding this, denigrating that. Marble granite tops are essential. The values expressed are appalling. Kitchens rated on the basis of what others might pay for them. The designer chirps in with color and cabinetry and offers what is in and what is out. The whole premise of the show is to have the families see what their efforts may have done to increase the value of their homes. It is all envy, following the herd, competitiveness and aggressive show and bombast. If I were a peruvian, I would leave my dwelling and smell the night air, free of all this shit.
I feel for parents who have to guide their children through this morass. Parenting may become as critical as being a pastor or being pasteurized. We will all muddle through, I suppose, but I am constructed unfortunately with that self-appointed task to say that there is an elephant in the room — does anyone see it? In fact, that is the task of a good shrink, teacher or parent. I most admire The Emperor’s Clothes! It is a reality story, not a fairy tale.
This will be an important week, for we find out if we are all through with the financial hagglings we’ve endured; what is the final amount of the mortgage; does my ex pay up on attorney fees? making preparations for a possible trip to Vegas for me to see a house I’ve never seen; tidying up details to get out of this dreadful neighborhood in which anomie reigns; to be rid of Jane’s maliciously cloying family; to feel that we are moving psychologically. I feel so encumbered by the drag of details that a kind of malaise has set in that I am struggling against. Things are on hold. An uncomfortable state of being but like Jujy Fruit, you finally get it past your teeth and down the gullet.
Farewell.
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