I wonder if my son will break through to himself as he struggles to make his way in this world. Striving to find himself artistically, he is aggravated by a job that has a woman medusa as a supervisor. My fantasies and hopes for him are mine alone, for he has to define himself in this world. Come to think of it, other than nature which as a species we have assaulted since our Darwinian birth, there is not much to this earth, other than the few million good people on it.
…Since we all return to an inorganic state, while we are organically alive we must endure the spendthrift and careless ways we deal with one another; there is so much to learn, at least societal crap, before we get on with it and what we learn is really useless stuff.
…I associate to the appalling effects of all religions, the coming and goings of gods, the resurrections and divine interventions, the myths, the virgin births, Joseph Smith and his golden plates (created by a jackass from upstate New York), all the superstitions, all the priests and ministers and rabbis speaking in the name of god, the grotesque delusional force of religion and its hateful consequences. The species may advance just a bit if it can jettison this dark matter. As an empty-headed species, we fill our brains with this crap. After millions of years, the best we can produce is a Sean Hannity — talk about a religiously conditioned slob.
…As Clarence Darrow opined, we spend the first half of our lives dominated, aggravated, and appalled by our parents and the second half of our lives irked, bothered and pissed off by our children.
…I associate to a zipper. One zip from the bottom of the crotch to the top and it is done. I think of life like that. Before we are awake, we are shot dead. The task, as I see it, is to become awake and aware. What school teaches that? So, tell your children after a day of indoctrination, that it is all bullshit, express your sadness about that and work with them on becoming alive and awake. Start off with Krishnamurti’s Think on These Things.
…Apparently we are split, diced and cut up into all kinds of pieces that we spend most of our lives looking for the missing shards. Bombarded and beset by injunctions, dessicated religions, media massaging, profound group emptinesses, we find it hard to focus, to discover directionality; we crave congruency and don’t know where to look for it — of course, it is not out there. As our planet hurtles through space, I view each of us hurtling through time but we have no orbit.
…Without a whiff of grandiosity but something I can testify to, I have often been assailed or criticized, often judged, to be frank, because I do not conform, march to the sound of a different drummer, have what someone termed a “strong personality” (should i be a dishrag?). I am not politically correct. I am, metaphorically, the child who sees the emperor without his clothes; I am a closet anarchist, an out of the closet rebel; I despise all authority, relying on my inner clockworks. All governments are corrupt. I try to lift my periscope up through the morass for a gasp of oxygen here and there. How does one survive when one sees, even partially? How do you comfort the child who now realizes Santa Claus is imaginary? How do you repair, if you can, the rent in each of us as we discover the permanent faultlines in our parents and then later on the crevasses within ourselves?
…Having worked with clients over the years in a therapeutic setting, I realize that neuroses are a cultural slime that crawls like ooze over our minds throughout our years. If we can halt that, if we can make that blob recede, we have another issue before us. How do we struggle against the matrix-like, subtle and conditional slime that all societies produce that cover us for years as we age. Cheney is a dead human being. Conditioned, limited emotionally and psychologically, he is a tapestry wrought by the more demented weavers of this culture — power, force, will, right and prejudice. A severely limited man, he is a product of our culture. He is us on many, many levels.
…Cheney once more. Notice how his body is canted to the side, as if he meets the world at an angle. Note the metallic voice that drones like a well-automated custard machine. He presents himself not as Richard the Third, or Quasimodo. Rather, he gives you a slope, a descending mound, a scarp partially exposed from the earth. He is topographical in his stature, as if a kind of forest gnome. He brings not light, but darkness. Cheney is a configuration of forces rather than a personality, for he has a limited array of sensibilites. He was shut down decades ago. And yet people listen to his swill, and he is driven by his swill, and his wife has been inundated by his swill. For me, he is the nether embodiment of the worst of humanity, for I see only a graduated difference bewtween him and a rank and file Nazi. Of course, here in America that cannot be. Oh?
…I associate to the historical split between the individual and the state; during the Renaissance the individual roughly held sway. In today’s world the state rules. The 20th Century was an age of state domination. It continues.
…I will not debate global warming. I will use it to make an observation. I believe it is occurring. If you grant that to me, all else follows. The human response to that, the response of individuals and of political entities such as parties reveals a great deal to me. I observe how people respond to future dire straits, how they deny what their eyes tell them, what facts reveal to them. The response to global warming is a thermometer of how human nature responds to adversity or to a challenge or to reality. The very limited ability for individuals to grasp what the world shows them reveals to me the essential defects in the species. We are born ignorant and some of us keep that state of being for the rest of our lives. I describe, I don’t offer balms. It is terrifying enough to see the appalling stupidity. When it comes to global warming, we are watching a repetition compulsion. Only this time it is not manageable, like controlling war.
I weary of associating. I am trying to stay awake. I’d like to invent psychological pins to insert into one’s eyelids to keep them open.
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