Correspondence with reviewers and bloggers of late has been encouraging; new ideas are coming to mind as I sit here in Ahab’s cabin, trying to encompass the world in my driven search for the great white whale; do you recall John Huston’s film in the fifties where you hear Ahab’s pegleg thumping on the deck as the crew below (Richard Basehart,”Ishmael,” for one) listens? I have no idea why this association to Moby Dick. . .Oh, yes, I see. So here I am doing Larry David, unwilling to accept the joyful optimism which is the harbinger of daily life. Oh, please, edit that line out. Jane, my companion, a native of Texas, finds it hilarious to experience this New York Jew’s ethnic response to existence. Satire and sarcasm and self-deprecation rule. in fact, reader, Jewish sensibility has determined the comic themes of this culture. I cannot think of one famous German comedian; however, there are dozens in New York –just try your local appetizer store — even the Hispanics behind the counter have a patter infused with all the ethnicities of New York — like pastrami, to die for!
So happiness or enthusiasm for me is a fleeting thing, like a spritz of talcum powder after showering — here today, gone tomorrow. I am grateful Jane just laughs and laughs at my philosophical nuances, for at the bottom of all this persiflage is a defense against the pain, a shield against the hurt — stupid, I’m not! Reader, are you aware of the squid ink you shoot out daily to ward off the “spirits” of bumptious people, unwarranted and unasked for commentary and all the rest? Taste and savor this ink, for in that way you can modulate it, use it at particular moments, rather than wasting it in massive ejaculation (hmmm). A very dear friend, a very shrewd therapist and a very wise man, told me, as it is his wont to do so, that I like to shock (Peck’s bad boy?). I took in that “lozenge” and am still savoring all its piquant flavors; he also interpreted some of my behaviors in this way — that I am hurt by the world, that I expect more or better from people and that when I do not receive this, I am hurt. I like this lozenge for it gives me thought. I share it with you with the grandiose expectation (oops, there I go again) that you will work on yourself. To die free of illusions must be a masterful experience in living, one’s last masterpiece.
Adieu!
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