As I blog into the ether, that blowsy slattern who cares not, I found it odd that I was concerned about writing more about my experiences with Mt. Lemmon about 5 years ago. Odd because no one gives a damn, odd in that I should give a damn. I was concerned that too much about Mt. Lemmon might be a strain on the reader. What readers? If the task of a blog is to communicate, clearly I have not done so, paltry are the returns. I now view this blog as an expression of keeping my tools sharp, forcing myself to write every few days, clearing my mind about different subjects.
As the WordPress system which runs this blog because I assuredly do not registers hits I observe what Pages are viewed. It is too disparate to reach a conclusion except that readers go to my queries about my books more often than not at the expense of other blogs which I feel are good if not insightful, and always thoughtful. The best rule of thumb for me is not to expect anything and in this way I will not be too disappointed. It is a good rule for just existing with people and the world in general.
Blogs remind me of things, cars for example. They begin to own us and our time as we primp and preen them. Here it is 2 a.m. and I am restless, spilkes. I can’t sleep, so I turn to the blog and feel conflicted about what to write or not. I have the nether feeling that I will need to break free of the so-called “rules” of blogging and strike out on my on. I wonder what shape that will take. I am sensing-feeling that blogging conditions and that is appalling to me, worrying about what to write, the audience I am writing for, the ridiculousness of typing into electronic air and landing someplace into the silicon innards of other computers. Brave new world!
Blogging conditions because it raises false expectations. . . marketing erupts. . .narcissism burgeons. . .anxiety accrues. . . . We come to believe that it matters, and it does not matter. And so we adjust ourselves to self-lies and prideful fantasies. It is a shallow game and I am a participant in it. And I will struggle to free myself of its clammy controls. As in any attempt to decondition oneself, one must work on freeing oneself. So, I think I will write more about Lemmon.
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